Im dying to make video game music for an indie game

aah ...

one dream i have

still heavy in debt but working nonstop to change this ... working 6 days a week at a factory these days and little time for much else

I've been slowly working on some art and brainstorming on music to make a full album ^^ .. this may happen soon if things start going well

soon i hope to be able to support myself and leave my house with places to go other then work and home as that has been my whole life

31 years of dreaming of more but never having the ability..

i still have no ability to support this site that I've loved so much other then posting what i make here and it hurts. this site shaped my universe through my whole life and it means a great deal to me even though it has changed so much.. and yet it still is the same in many ways

this place is why i started drawing and dreaming of more back when i was 7/8 Years old though it was mostly stick figures on note books and crappy power point animations that never went anywhere

I'm tired of waiting .. i know that sounds bad but i feel i deserve more .. at least from me. i spent all my time working on music .. 18 years at least of never leaving my DAW to learn how to compose but in that i forgot how to connect with people... people seem to like me but I'm always alone.. i don't know what to talk about so i say nothing mostly.. i feel so isolated even around people and i don't know how to market myself. i feel very lucky to know the things i know how to do but i have no idea how to apply any of it to further myself in any direction i actually want to be headed .. i feel like i lost my sense of direction and i don't even know what goals i should make for myself to proceed in my art and music as art and music is the only thing i want to do

I'm tired of only eating ramen and instant meals and having to live in places with 6 plus people and not enough rooms

is this suppose to be a place to be updating professional things? i don't even know if i know how to be professional at this point. I've always based my public image on being venerable and authentic but i feel it gets old as people only seem to really response to a good show.. have i been going at this all wrong? should i just make a fantasy and play a part.

i need to sleep because i have to work but i will be continuing as soon as i figure out a balance with all this

I'm depressed but this is nothing new if you know me

i love you all and will be happy if we ever talk

Much love

JH

Your boy works with explosives now

still alive just really busy

with this year coming to a close and the Holliday warzone almost over

i wish you a amazing day

hope you get what you want and what you need

Santa strakes again .. this time i spotted him catty corner to my house

looked to me as if someone's "Baked Goods" were baked bad. watch your holiday recipes, the man will never tell you your cookies made him sick because he cares about your feeling, but i will.

Now its time to grab some Eggnog and sit by the fireplace

remember, some one out there has you in their Heart

as the year comes to a close i think about the awful year... it was bad... would i do it again... yes because its not all bad and i feel like I'm growing in my personal struggles.

I'm sad i never have time these days to do much .. and I'm sorry i am bad at keeping in contact with people

but I'm still living and still trying to work on art and music

My dream of making music for video games might happen here soon if the work on my side is paying off

ill let you know what's up as things develop

10 4

Birthday

Fun Times

to all those that do, Thank you for supporting me

Love everyone of you! keep pushing farther and don't get caught by the traps of this world.

the missing ingredient is you even when people are against you.

I will be working through my birthday as is normal. got my driving permit just now.... never wanted to drive but life is forcing me. about time though .... I honestly haven't been surviving the best without driving so its a positive though it feels deadly. haven't driven on the roads yet .. just neighborhoods and and small streets. just wish me luck learning so late.

i feel like an NPC sometimes .. i just hope i have a story some day. so far I've been an island lost at sea.

I'm just hoping i can make rent but that's what i applied for as an artist

Hate The Game but Love The Players as its a cold world out here.

In spite of the storm inside we upwardly fall

the world is strange

I'm with family for my birthday

I will be better next year

i will treat myself better

we will be better

31

things are still rocky as im trying to find a new job

i just bounce around in the workforce as I'm a creative at heart and it isn't useful in the jobs offered to me. but i will find a way to make my music in the meantime

at a low point and i am in limbo with creating things ... i fear that i have been away to long from producing as its been 3 weeks since ive really been able to work on something ... im always thinking on it so maybe the time will help me focus on a project .. as an ADHD human our biggest problem is making plans then we never see through but i will never and have never stopped making music .. it is my peace in this crazy world

i have ideas for vocal work and am learning new ways to use the voice i was given in this life... ive been stuck on not changing it in performance as i wanted to stay true to my original voice. i wonder if i am inspiring anyone to be confidant in their voice by doing so as i intended. but i can play a part as voices are the same as acting in that one persons has a range of many voices.

i will be getting more experimental with my voice in the coming works as i have no regard for rule in that.

on another note i am concerned with the amount of porn coming again to this site as when i was a kid i was harmed by it as well as the people who group around it. there is a lot of youth here and the science and history doesn't lie about what that brings.

Kids roam this site so be safe. make and mark your pieces accordingly.. it is of most importance to keep the youth from these proven harmful things

please keep your eyes open in this field

Working on music as always

learning new ways to use my voice in the art form .. this currant thing I'm working on is sounding good but the writing of lyrics needs work. writing lyrics seem to be getting easier though it is still a chore for me to get to

------------(Stress warning)---------

Struggling at work.. its my 4th week there and the boss doesn't like that i smile a lot while i work

looking for other work around but finding a job that like me around is hard. management doesn't seem to like me.. i don't understand why. all i try to do is work and do the job and I'm nice to everyone. maybe I'm too quiet as i don't say much but when i talk i get in trouble with management. ... i need to find something as even this job doesn't cover my rent .. I'm in debt heavy and don't know when ill see something more then a negative number in my bank

Ive done mail-sorting, cooking and serving, medical manufacturing, loading planes, inventory management, stocking and warehousing .. I've even scored and cut glass to make glass windows and door for houses and skyscrapers.. i don't know where i would be good at this point but i need to make at least minimum wage here soon or this is going to get impossible to continue making things

my currant job pays 3 dollars under minimum wage.. i have no choice at the moment.

-------------------------------------------

working on ideas for the naming of the project

So far the name for the project is "The Swell"

I might change the name as things flush out

the direction may change and is constantly changing so a better name might be chosen

had a few ideas that i cant seem to get right for it but ill keep working until i have an art piece that matches the album

sadly no money to commission .. just gotta work with what i have as usual

i am not happy with these yet and will be working to get a better result

the top is my favorite but it doesn't quite fit the theme

...

sorry for the pause on music uploads its been rough lately

Thank you to everyone who enjoys my work

it brings me happiness

Without you things would feel a lot worse

truly a blessing

ill always be back in some way

Some of the best stuff is meant as a joke

Some works me and a friend made for the pure joy of the Goof

https://thespacelands.bandcamp.com

just have fun

enjoy yourselves every now and then and you might surprise yourselves

some of the best learning experience is done in the moments you lose focus

Keep creating

The Olympics is over for me .. just another thing i will not be participating in or supporting

The Corporations in control of the industries love poison i guess

eye rape of the whole world is a goal they seem to push and in a thing that has already been beaten to death as no new ground was pushed for art, just furthering depravity and irreverence as a focus.

I hate the bully spirit that is being cultivated

I am not angry.. I'm just sad

the road to hell is paved with good intentions

now the only goal seems to be causing outrage and mocking and in that to a people that is thought not to fight back

Punching down is the weakest energy form

this is getting to much and I've seen the direction they've been steering us, it shows up in even the art of artists i follow.. guess its been working as people seem to like playing this note over and over

This is not a winning view that i am speaking and don't expect it to change much. it will only get worse as the days continue .. it says this in the very religion i subscribe... people only seem to love seeing the flames rise higher

people need to figure out who they are.. same to me ... can i just be passive?

those who use the detriment of others for gain of power will not have my approval and never have

what do you believe.

there is a lot of misunderstanding and misleading

Jesus forgives and will not turn you away

we are all imperfect

hate and anger should be left in the dust

i do not hate .. i just will not participate in this goal

I don't expect anything for this other then rejection but i cant be silent with this

it is thought that the world will hate you for the belief in Jesus

things will get worse for me I know...

The world is in trouble and more of the same thing doesn't seem to be helping

I love the hearts of every person but the spirit burns and will swallow us without regard

please but careful in this time

Ill make something if i vibe with your request

Love you guys

<3