still heavy in debt but working nonstop to change this ... working 6 days a week at a factory these days and little time for much else

I've been slowly working on some art and brainstorming on music to make a full album ^^ .. this may happen soon if things start going well

soon i hope to be able to support myself and leave my house with places to go other then work and home as that has been my whole life

31 years of dreaming of more but never having the ability..

i still have no ability to support this site that I've loved so much other then posting what i make here and it hurts. this site shaped my universe through my whole life and it means a great deal to me even though it has changed so much.. and yet it still is the same in many ways

this place is why i started drawing and dreaming of more back when i was 7/8 Years old though it was mostly stick figures on note books and crappy power point animations that never went anywhere

I'm tired of waiting .. i know that sounds bad but i feel i deserve more .. at least from me. i spent all my time working on music .. 18 years at least of never leaving my DAW to learn how to compose but in that i forgot how to connect with people... people seem to like me but I'm always alone.. i don't know what to talk about so i say nothing mostly.. i feel so isolated even around people and i don't know how to market myself. i feel very lucky to know the things i know how to do but i have no idea how to apply any of it to further myself in any direction i actually want to be headed .. i feel like i lost my sense of direction and i don't even know what goals i should make for myself to proceed in my art and music as art and music is the only thing i want to do

I'm tired of only eating ramen and instant meals and having to live in places with 6 plus people and not enough rooms

is this suppose to be a place to be updating professional things? i don't even know if i know how to be professional at this point. I've always based my public image on being venerable and authentic but i feel it gets old as people only seem to really response to a good show.. have i been going at this all wrong? should i just make a fantasy and play a part.

i need to sleep because i have to work but i will be continuing as soon as i figure out a balance with all this

I'm depressed but this is nothing new if you know me

i love you all and will be happy if we ever talk

Much love

JH